A past week in October brought a lot of winter with it… One cancer war, two predictable casualties succumbed to mortality, and three repetitious arguments in the twilight zone of Alzheimersville. These days the almost daily un-relentless assaults of time passages leave me angry. I can’t fix anything. Amidst this breakage, I, control freak that I am, can’t make any of this better; can put nothing together again.
And before this post is even finished, I learn a friend must choose hospice in an optionless situation where a villain named mersa entered and now commands center stage. My friends, acquaintances, and inspirations are dying or are now listed among the dead.
What to do! For now, I delve into the arts and vent. The uglier the issue the prettier I want to make things.
So to combat Claudia’s cancer, I painted her rocker from a previous Facebook post. I take her succinct description and make a poem. To avenge the deaths of high school classmates, Doug and Wayne, I write a poem describing our high school building. My best friend of 45 years who doesn’t remember she has Alzheimer’s fòrces me to make deckled paper for use in handwritten works. The repetitious movements, deckling edges by hand, assure me that repetition reinforces the well-trodden path, serves a useful purpose, makes it easier to find a way home.
Above I share my handwritten poem drafts in cursive of a poem for Claudia. It’s incomplete as the words don’t fit. Or, to be more precise, the right words are illusionary and exist in another realm which alludes me at the moment.
So tell me– What do you do to pretty up the uglies in your life? What light do you ying in the yang of darkness? My mantra today — rock on, I will shake my boney hand at the approaching night and shine. Look for me there. Bring me your candle. Help me light the way.